Strip Joint Al:
Al Strip Joint,"You the man". Yea strip joint had his 
nightwednesday night. 3 for 3 along with a fairly 
decent play at 1st base. Al has been taking it easy 
as of late. According to the bouncer (Bruno) at the 
Foxy Lady there has been no sightings of Strip Joint. 
Those late nights have turned into a cup of warm milk 
and to bed around 10:00 pm. Maybe Mr Quack Quack now 
on the DL should look at following strip joints daily 
activities. Lets look at a typical day of Al Guapo. 
6:00 am wake up, Brush teeth ,shave and a cup of Joe. 
6:30 2.50 mile run arount the mystic lakes. 07:30 
Dunkin Donuts for a jelly filled and a ice coffee to 
go. Rush to get home so he can greet the paperboy 
which has only one delivery a day. 7 different 
newspapers. The post, herald, globe, Sporting News, 
and the Wallstreet journal etc.. Gets thru the papers 
around high noon. Lunch time usually is a light meal, 
Double bacon Cheeseburger lg frie and a protein 
shake. 1:00 pm heads to the cages for 6-10 rounds of 
bP. Starts at the softball cage and works up to 
little league cage. Around 3:00 pm he heads back home 
for session with the Senators trainer Joey Pink Slip. 
Pink Slip gives his approval and helps strip joint 
prepare for the game. Around 5:00 pm Al heads over to 
the yard in Somerville. At the park he is greeted by 
his Coach "Thirsty". Thirsty has been trying to come 
up with the lineup for tonights game. He is not sure 
what to do but decides that Strip Joint will be 
covering the back at first. 6:00 pm coach thirsty 
hits 100-150 ground balls and goes thru the proper way 
to play 1st base. Strattle the bag and stretch to the 
ball not stretch then look for the ball. 8:00 pm game 
time, 3 for 3 with 5 put outs and a victory for the 

I tip my cap to Al Strip Joint. 

Stats has spoken

Team Effort:
The Senators are starting to find out what a team 
effort is. Coach Thirsty is starting to realize that 
all of us need to feel part of the team. The Senators 
have won the last 4 games in a row with many differnt 
line ups. Everyone has been adding in their two cents 
to help us win the last four. Lets start out with the 
the game at Brockton where Strip Joint Al Guapo and 
Pink Slip put some offensive together to contribute 
for the hard effort only to go down in the bottom of 
the ninth. The next game was on a Saturday Night 
against the Acton Orioles in which we squeak out a 
victory 1-0. The game was on the line with bases 
loaded top of the sixth when a slow roller was placed 
down third. With no time to spare Stats came up 
firing to get the out. yeah I know no pats on the 
back for the beat writer. In that game Stevie the 
Stirer played a good game at second but was pulled 
later for defensive purposes. Kelly played a good 
game at first despite missing the king dome foul ball 
which had no effect on the game. The next three games 
were against the first place team the East Bridgewater 
Blue Jays. They were going into the doublheader 
underfeated at their home field. It was a Sunday 
Morning road trip that was full of entertainment. 
First of all, Lets rip up our web master for the miss 
directions for all who got lost that day. Mr Pete TPX 
web master who is on the DL due to his hardnose play 
trying to beat out a grounder to Omar Visquel. Pete 
might have to start taking yogar so he can lift that 
leg ala Ruben Sierra so he can mash again. Okay on to 
game 1 in which Stevie (I hate when Stats mentions my 
name in his articles) the Lefty pitch a great game. 
The lineup had the following players for the first 
game. Kelly Leek 1st base, Boby I The Little Toy 
Cannon at 2nd, Russ two team Ward at ss, Eddie the 
Glove at 3rd, Coach Thirsty behind the plate, Stevie 
the lefty on the bump, left field Chuckie, centerfield 
Nicki Quack Quack and in right Mouse. In the second 
game Coach Thirsty cleared the bench. Ist base Billy 
Stats, Stevie tthe Stirer at second, SS russ two team, 
3rd Eddie the Glove, catching Chuck, on the hill 
Johnny Stable, In the outfield Pete TPX, Center Nick 
and in right Mouse. The dh's were Strip Joint and 
Bobby Hard Head Delponte. It was a sweep for the 
Senators with all getting in except for Pink Slip. The 
rumor has it that Pink Slip is holding out on his 
dues. Little Joey it is time to pay the piper. In 
order to get some time you need to cough up the dough. 
Then came the wednesday Night game against the 
defeated East Bridgewater Blue Jays. They came along 
way only to be disgusted about our lovely Trum Field. 
They talk themselves right out of the game as soon a 
they jumped out of their mini bus mercedes. The 
Senators put the three game sweep on them to push the 
record to 9-5. This is because of the team effort. 
Remember baseball is a team game and it takes the 
whole team to give you what it takes to be a Champion. 
That is what they cal good chemistry. 

See you Sunday 

Billy Stats

Lack of Run Production:
What happened to the staff that mashes. It is more like the staff that needs metal. Wood versus metal good for pitchers but bad for pitchers that hit. Since I am now a player and pitching is now the bullpen that rest on the bench lets bring back metal. 

Stats has spoken

It's clear to me how good the Pro's really are. With metal we could "Jack". With Wood our "Jacks" are "Off'sssslightly". The importance of good mechanics on each swing is magnified. So look for more "good" pitches and be patient and we will MASH again.

Hey Stats, 
I thought you said GLW's P/E was 29.32 and change? It's close to 30. 
At 14.12 are you in? 

I need to know swammi

Check out for pe of 13. I check yahoo out and got that pe of 27. Whether 13 or 27 the future of Fiber is going to be here for many years. Accumulate is my recommmendation. 


Stats id Done:
Nicky the Boy (thats what we call him) was talking about this kid named Stats. Softball average aside, "Nick" is still carrying this kid named "Stats", at least thats what he says. Softball/Baseball, what the difference. This kid Stats couldn't carry Nick the Stick's gear.

Stats is done when stats says. Remember stats plays the game like it was meant to be played with excellence. 


Where is Stats?:

Where are the scathing indictments, witty repartees, and comical hi-jinx promised by our scribe? Has the inspiration fled? Has the muse been struck down? Has Nicky Quack-Quack's personal vendetta and satanic mission to destoy Billy's B.A. finally gotten the best of the kid? These questions require answers. Your public demands it.
K Mac

Stats has decided to "Just Make The Plays" as evidence during the Acton victory. Quack-Quack knew that the bare hand was never his strong suit, hence all the aniversary celibrations and no shows. Luckily for the Somerville 9, Stats is the master, Bang-Bang!

New Message Board Name:
The Message board will no longer be called Chats with Stats 
The new name will be Meals on Wheels. (a reference to Stats running ability)

You can't change chat with Stats. There will be no message board without Stats. 

There will be a message board for you, we're just trying to keep up with the times, to better serve our slow moving old guys.

Wed. Night Baseball
Last night at trum we sqeaked by the somerville Cubs on a lack of hitting on our so called top of the order. The final score was 3-1 Senators. The real story was the almost bust by the somerville PD. We were a little bit sloppy last night with the flaughting of the beers all over the place. We need to be more discrete. we are grown men that need to be a little more responsible. On Sunday we are back in the yard and I will give Cappy a call so he can make himself usefull by bringing the meat, grille and the styrofoam so we can stay out of the patty wagon. If like the officer said could take five to the station but why bother. Yea there wouldn't be enough money between the five jail birds to bail themselves out. See you Sunday 

Billy Stats

Let's get the cop back on the roster, what the hell is going on? 
I thought you owned Somerville.

Lets make sure we bring styrofoam to the next game since we have no contacts with thesom pd. Where is the great Gazoo 

Stats Email:
Check out the recent email sent to all. here it is 

It was a cold evening at Trum Field. Out of the 
heavens came the lost but found Father Mac. Father 
Mac stepped right in, and launched baseballs to the 
heavens of the DPW. This is somewhat ridiculous when 
someone shows up for the first time and starts driving 
balls over the fence with a wooden bat. Maybe father 
has been dipping into the basket and hitting at the 
nearest batting cage. 
Lets start with the wooden bat. The wooden bat has 
been brought into the league to keep most of us 
playing for another 10 years. The only problem with 
that is it will only lenghten our pitchers careers. 
Billy Stats, Lefty Donovan, Cappy Colds Cuts, JD 
(Stable Drew)are among the staff that mashes. The 
wooden bat will lenghten their career. The only 
problem is the team will only have pitchers and no 
hitters. Coach Thirsty came out with the Official but 
not so official averages. Team Average 264 which is a 
dismal after 6 games. The majority of the team is 
hitting less than their weight. Lets take a look at 
the 4 players who are hitting over 400 at this time. 
Pete TPX Mastro 438 a newcomer from the North Reading 
Team. Pete has established himself as the Manny 
Ramirez of the Senators. A full time DH. Bob (6 years 
out of the game) Merlina at 455 a former Melrose Ram. 
He is doing what he does best hit. Mouses Moise 471 
another North Reading guy that is known to be a 
hitter. Russ(Two team) Ward 500 who has had more at 
bats this year due to his play on two teams. His bat 
has been quicker and better since the loss of Big 
Bertha size 35 that has been engraved in the backstop 
at Trum. Ok enough with the heroes and on to the 250 
and under club. Lets start with the lowest average 
with 5 ab's or more. Eddy the Glove English 000 
another North Reading guy. Maybe there is a happy 
median somewhere in the middle for these NR Guys. The 
Next lowest average with much surprise is the Little 
Toy gun Bobby I 133. Next in line is yours truly 
Billy Stats former leader of the staff that Mashes at 
143. The following two players are in a League of 
there own. Strip joint Al 154 and Nicki Quack Quack 
158. Strip Joint has a excuse that his night job at 
the Golden Bananna keeps him up all night and the 
daily Herald keeps him from getting to the cage for 
some extra BP. Nicki Quack Quack says there is a 
problem with the scorekeeper Pete The Pencil Gracia. 
Nicki has taken his case to Cooperstown and is 
demanding a recount. Evidence and Exibit A. The 
Chalk board, Exibit B the pizza Eraser, Exibit C The 
bat. Lets look at the details of the case. The Chalk 
Board has him down 8 for 20. This is a 400 ave and no 
eraser marks on the board. Exibit B the giant pizza 
eraser. No chalk on the eraser. Exibit C the bat. 
All 8 hits marked on the bat. There are 3 Large 
circles that mean homerun, 2 medium circles that are 
doubles and 3 tiny circles that are singles. As the 
beat writer for the Senators I say Pete the pencil 
should go by Nicki's Chalk Board and Give him his 400 

Lets just summarize the team average. We need more BP 
and more live pitching in order for some of us to get 
it going. If this continues Coach Thristy will go 
elsewhere because like I say he missed his calling. 
He can not tolerate marginal players. The Red Sox 
Instructional league is looking for a good teacher and 
sick coach to baby sit some new talent. 

Lets just keep a positive attitude and report to the 
next practice ready to go. Remember good pitching and 
defense always beat good hitting. 

Yours Truly, 

Billy Stats